so now there will probably be interjections about tour.  we are currently in rehearsals for “a christmas carol” in omaha, and i am the child wrangler for 3 kids.  i will probably not use the names of the company or the kids as apparently there is software that theaters use to find out what is being posted about their venue.  so far this has been a very positive experience.  the hard part for me is walking into groups where i don’t know anyone.  enfj….but i am so just barely over the line of extrovert.  so i am pretty quiet and reserved until i feel like i have a base of people that i am comfortable around.  i am also pretty surface most of the time.  everyone is nice, but you can already see the cliques forming, and being with the kids all day, i am pretty much an outsider.  i can’t go to lunch with people, and our place is one of the furthest from the theater, so going out at night with people isn’t much of an option either.

my housemate is pretty cool.  she is very liberal too, so we’ve had a few good conversations.  there is another guy who catches a ride from us almost daily and i like him a lot.  yesterday he was the recipient of my first backrub, and he really enjoyed it.  the kids are very nice, and so far their parents have not been a pain.

this job was out of necessity to have a job and make money to eat and pay bills.  last time i did a far away theatre job was in new hampshire.  that one i took to not go crazy in daytona over the summer. it was another point in my life where i felt very disappointed and betrayed by people, and i just wanted to go be submerged in musical theatre, be told what to do, hike, and not really be seen, just do my job.  much like here, i had to force myself to relate to people on a daily basis.  i did come away from that job with a good experience (except for the music director from hell for two shows), and three good friends, one that has become non-surface, and one that probably knows me better than anyone now, but potentially almost made me self-destruct.

i am often disappointed by people.  they don’t take friendships as seriously as i do, and they don’t reciprocate actions they seem to like, and often words are just that…words.  i have a very hard time taking people at their word, as so often it just in the end turns out again to not be true.  at least this last person that i put so much stock into warned me that they were like that…and they had a history that quite frankly makes them who they are, so a grudge can’t be held there.  not that i hold a grudge.  i don’t.  people are who they are, and that is why i really don’t let hardly anyone see below the surface.  the few people i have ever trusted, i go through a long period of testing before i really open up.  and i’m not sure i can think of anyone who hasn’t turned out to not be true to their word in the end.  maybe my expectations are too high.  so usually these people just become really good friends that i support and love and tell a few things to from time to time….but don’t share much beyond that.

potentially there is a new/old non-surface friend.  i have shared a bit more than i would normally, and a lot of the not-so-great happenings of the last 3 years or so.  again, time will tell if they are true to their word as i am close to really trusting, but that is a slippery slope.  each time rebounding is a bit more tough, and i wonder if there might come a time when i don’t rebound at all.


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